Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Finally Getting My Release

So I finally got my release.  And it's sad that it took me so long cause I knew what I needed to do and that is pray.  That's always the key.  I'm still trying to make that my habit, the moment I feel distressed is to pray.

I can always remember to give praises and glory to God for the good things.  I just need to work on doing it for the distressful things.  Sounds backwards, but so true.  For some reason staying mad just seems easier than to forgive, even though in your heart of hearts you know its not right.  So when that happens its just time to pray.

I did that, even though, my head wasn't in it, and I felt the release.  It's the beginning and that release feels good. I'm not weighed down with negativity, cause that just brings on depression, then self-destruction.  Just not worth it.

In all things God must be the center.  That's my goal and I'm working on it.

Poem:  My Release Prayer

Monday, December 27, 2010

Parasite - Cuckoo & warbler or dead beat parents

I thought I was done for the day, but had to mention this scientific fact.

There is a bird that purposely lays its eggs in other birds nest, so that they could be cared for.  They are released from all parental responsibilities.  The cuckoo bird lays its eggs in the warblers nest.  The picture shows the warbler feeding the cuckoo.  Clearly not its baby, but never the less taking care of it.

This relationship has got to sound familiar.  Mothers or fathers what do you think of absentee parents that don't take care of their children, don't pay child support, don't call, don't try to have any connection with their children?  Or better yet, what about the parents who totally abandon their children?

Here's one of the poems I wrote a while ago about that:  He Looks Like A Man

Trying to relax, release, relate

It is so funny that when you are trying to make yourself as invisible as possible, the other party insist on keeping the interaction going.  Not because it's what they really want, but to be defiant, to be difficult, to feel as if they are in control.  Little do they know, they are winning.

I do realize that for every action there is a reaction or consequence.  It can be a good one or a bad one.  Some people do not understand words, they are the ones that say "show me".  This is frustrating but necessary.  So I'm going to keep this in mind so I can relax, release, and relate, woos-awe.

The end result: peace.....maybe

Species Interaction - Parasitism, Commensalism, Mutualism: What relationship are you in?

I am working on week 7 of my Interactive Science class and I'm learning about species interactions.  And being that one of the topics I love to discuss are relationships, it dawn on me that we have been in relationships that are similar to what I'm learning.  So here are the basic definitions:

  • Parasitism - self explanatory, parasites.  One gets all the benefits and the other gets all the harm.  The books example is a tape worm in a human being.  The tape worm gets the benefits, nutrients it needs from your body to survive.  This causes us to be depleted of our nutrients, makes us sick, and if not treated we'll die.  This sounds like most abusive relationships.
  • Commensalism - One gets the benefits and the other is neutral.  This sounds like the place I work were supposedly you are all a team.  You each have different departments to work in but responsible for the whole section.  If for some reason a team member doesn't finish there area you take up the slack and you don't get recognition for it.  Instead you are rewarded as a team.  The slacker gets a free ride on the tails of his team members.
  • Mutualism - Both get the benefits.  This is how I want my next relationship to be like.  So sick of the one-sided love affairs.
It's a scary thing trying to get back in the dating game.  You don't want to make the same mistakes of your past relationships and yet it keeps hovering.  Everyone you talk to talks a good game, but when it boils down to it, their talk is not the way they walk.  And why does it seem like they know to say exactly what you want to hear.  Time is my friend, it always reveals to me the truth.

I especially see that at work dealing with the X, just when you think things are flowing smoothly, that communication is getting better, time brings out the truth.  You once again get the reaffirmation of why you divorced in the first place.  The saying "time will tell" is no joke.  You just have to be patient, listen, and store what you hear and see.  Eventually you will either see consistencies or inconsistencies.

Here's a poem that shows that:  Older and Wiser

Friday, December 24, 2010

Comments on "I Simply Don't Exist"

Well, I wrote this poem last week, the 17th to be exact, after my X and I had one of our "episodes".  In this saga, the X, really showed me how inconsiderate and unconcerned he was about my well being.  It finally sunk in and of course I'm having a hard time with it.  I don't understand what it means not to have empathy for someone else.  Especially someone you care about.  Empathy doesn't necessarily mean that you have to agree with the person, it just means you can understand why that person may act the way they do.

All I can think to myself is after 13 years of marriage, 3 kids, and everything we've gone through, you cannot empathize with me and extend some help that is not monetary?  Just because we are divorced, it doesn't mean we have to be arch enemies.  This man really hates me.  He really does.  He hasn't forgiven me for divorcing him, for not giving us another chance, for not believing he was taking our problems seriously.

After our episode, I was so hurt, my BFF ended up calling him.  She was just trying to explain that I was tired and going through some things.  His response:  "I don't care what she's going through.  I was forced to move on and that is what I have done.  So her state of mind or whatever is happening to her is none of my concern."  My BFF: "But you have children together, she's not going anywhere."  The X: "that is true, I guess I'll just have to figure that out".

It's so funny how he can ask to use my discount card at the store I work to buy Xmas for the kids, or ask me to change days with him during the week, or pick up the kids bcuz he wasn't going to make it on time.  I helped when I could which was most of the time because it dealt with the kids.  Apparently, empathy is a one way street with him.

The golden rule says "treat others as you want to be treated".  This sounds to me to be the same as "treat others how they have treated you".  So from now on that is what I'm going to do.  Otherwise I am going to continue to have the same feelings I had when we were married, used, unappreciated, and disrespected.

Poem:  I Simply Don't Exist

Why I decided to Blog

"There are, it may be, so many kinds of voices in the world, and none of them is without signification." 1 Corinthians 14:10

So why did I decide to add my two cents to all the many blogs already posted?  For one thing, it allows me to vent my feelings and share a part of myself, my life, my experience, with others.  It may help someone or who knows someone may help me. I do ask that if anyone chooses to read any of my blogs, do remember, this is my opinion, my views.  I'm not trying to convince anyone of anything.  It's just me.