Wednesday, August 29, 2012

The Trilogy

This past week has marked a trilogy in my life, that is, the death of the three oldest members of my family.  My father, Ralph Sr. (born) August 23, 1922 - (died) September 6, 2006; my mother, Grace (born) August 24, 1929 - (died) March 2, 2012; and my oldest brother, Errol (born) January 26, 1947 - (died) August 26, 2011.

It has been a difficult week but bearable. The last two deaths were very hard to deal with, a change I'm still not use to them being gone.  My brother fought till the end.  I can still remember the last day we were together.  It seems so unfair now if not for the fact that he's no longer suffering.

My mom's death is even harder to deal with.  I thought I was prepared for her death but I wasn't.  I know she's dead but I don't want to accept it.  I find myself at times thinking about trying to call her or her calling me about 1 or 2 in the morning while I'm at work and then I remember she can't do that.  So then I try not to think.  I miss her so much.

I wonder at my naivety, why didn't I understand that she was really dying? Why did I continue to hope when death was in my face?  Why did I see her having more time than she did?  In hindsight, I feel stupid.  I missed out on the opportunity to make her last moments easier for her.  I know it's in the past and I will get over it.

I've heard the cliche over and over again that at the end of the day when everything is said and done, all the arguing, disagreeing, bad feelings, etc.  don't matter.  What matters is the love you shared and the good times.  So don't hold grudges and try to get over the big and the small stuff.  NONE of it matters at all.

I did a poem for my brother and one for mom.  I'm only sharing the one for my brother at this time.  Click link below.

Poem:  Ode To Errol